===== The reason I’m called Tree is because I’m good at painting trees. Over time, I started to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolor paintings. I dated five girls when I was in Pre-University. There’s one girl whom I really love a lot. However, I never dared to woo her. She doesn’t have a pretty face, a good figure or outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary girl. I like her. I really like her. I like her innocence. I like her frankness. I like her cuteness. I like her intelligence and her fragility.
The reason why I did not woo her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I’m afraid that all the good feelings I have for her will vanish after we get together. I’m also afraid that the gossips that follow after we get together will hurt her. I felt that if she’s meant to be my girl, she will be mine ultimately and I don’t have to give up everything just for her. The last reason made her accompany me for three years.
She watched me go after different girls as I made her heart cry for three years. She bumped into us when I was kissing my second girlfriend. She was embarrassed but managed to smile and urged us to continue before running off. Her eyes were swollen like walnuts the next day. I pretended not to know what caused her tears but laughed at her for her swollen eyes for the whole day. She cried alone in the classroom after everyone left for home. She didn’t notice me returning from soccer training to get something from the classroom. I watched her cry for an hour or so.
My fourth girlfriend didn’t like her. They once got into a quarrel. Based on her character, I know she’s not the type that will start the quarrel. However, I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled with shock. I didn’t care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. In spite of the incident, she still continued laughing and joking with me like nothing has ever happened the next day. I know that she’s very hurt but she didn’t know that my heartache is as bad as hers.
I asked her out when I broke up with my fifth girlfriend. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. Coincidentally, she told me that she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her new boyfriend. I know her new boyfriend. He has been pursuing her for a while. He is a very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit has been the talk of the school. I can’t show her how much my heart aches but can only smile and congratulate her.
When I reached home, the heartache was so strong that I couldn’t tolerate it. It’s like a heavy rock on my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to shout but I couldn’t. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I broke down and cried. At that point of time, I thought about the number of times I had seen her cry for the man that didn’t acknowledge her presence.
During graduation, I read an sms in my hand phone. It was sent ten days ago when I broke down and cried. I haven’t read it since then. It says, “Leaf’s departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay.”
===== During Pre-University days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that it takes a lot of courage for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long.
During the three years of Pre-University, I was on very close terms with a guy. We were not in a relationship but were best buddies. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learned to develop a new feeling I should never have learned – Jealousy.
The sourness in the heart can’t be described by using a lemon. It felt like a hundred rotten sour lemons. It was sourness at the extreme limit. They were only together for two months. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness. It was short lived as he got together with another girl within a month’s time. I like him and I know he likes me. However, why won’t he pursue me? Since he loves me, why didn’t he make the first move?
Whenever he has a new girlfriend, my heart will hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I started to suspect that this is a one-sided love. If he doesn’t like me, why does he treat me so well? His niceness is beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I know his likes and his habits but I can never figure out his feelings towards me. You can’t expect me to confront him, right?
Despite that, I still want to be by his side. I wanted to care for him, accompany him and love him. I hoped that one fine day, he will love me. It’s like waiting for his phone call every night and waiting for him to sms me. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Hence, I waited for him.
The three years were the hardest to go through and I really wanted to give up. Sometimes, I wonder if I should continue waiting. The pain, the hurt and dilemma accompanied me for three years.
At the end of my third year, a second year junior started to pursue after me. He pursues me relentlessly everyday. It came to a point where my feelings towards him changed from outright rejection to being willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He’s like a warm and gentle wind, trying to blow a Leaf away from the Tree.
In the end, I realized that I didn’t want to give this wind only a small footing in my heart. I know this Wind will bring this badly battered Leaf far away to a better land. Finally, I left Tree but Tree only smiled and didn’t ask me to stay. “Leaf’s departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay.”
===== I like a girl called Leaf. I have to be a gust wind as she’s too dependent on Tree. A Wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was one month after I transferred to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors and me playing soccer. She will always be sitting there during our soccer practice looking at him regardless if she’s alone or with friends. There’s jealousy in her eyes when he talks with other girls. There’s a smile in her eyes when he looks at her. It became my habit to look at her just like how she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn’t appear. I felt something was amiss. I couldn’t explain the feeling except that it’s a kind of uneasiness. The senior wasn’t there as well. I hid outside their classroom and saw my senior scolding her. He left her with tears in her eyes.
I saw her at her usual place looking at him the next day. I walked over and smiled at her. I took out a note and gave it to her. She was surprised. She smiled and looked at me before accepting the note. She passed me another note and left the next day. “Wind couldn’t blow her away because Leaf’s heart is too heavy.” “It’s not that Leaf’s heart is too heavy. It is because Leaf never wanted to leave Tree.” I replied her note with this statement and she started to accept me slowly. She talked to me, accepted my presents and phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. However, I kept up my perseverance as I believe that one day I will make her like me.
Within four months, I have declared my love for her no less than twenty times. Every time, she will divert the topic away. Nevertheless, I never gave up. I decided that if I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can’t remember how many times I declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert the topic away, I still bear a small ray of hope every time as I hope that she will agree to be my girlfriend.
During my last declaration of love for her, I didn’t hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked, “What are you doing? Why didn’t you reply to my proposal?” She said, “I’m nodding my head.” “Ah?” I couldn’t believe my ears. “I’m nodding my head” She replied loudly. I hung up the phone, dressed up quickly and rushed to her place in a taxi. I hugged her tightly the moment she opened her door.
“Leaf’s departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay.”